5 ways to build monk like patience

I think the Hindus were right when they said the world is Maya which means illusion.

Primarily because most things in our modern world are shiny and spark our attention just because they can.

As I mentioned in another video, people are becoming more short-sighted; in rapture over the present moment with complete disregard to how their spending habits, relationship habits and masturbation habits will impact their future.

If we sat most people down in front of a marshmallow and told them to not eat it for 10 minutes, could they do it?

Well, screw em. It doesn’t matter, because today we’re talking about you, and how you can become otherworldly in the eyes of others through your monk like patience.

Because in a world where everyone wants the shiny objects now, you’ll stand out with even the slightest hint of patience.

So let’s get straight into it.

What causes impatience:

Firstly, it’s crucial we look at the four things which cause impatience in the first place.

1.) Lack of willpower

Apparently willpower is a muscle which we can train over time.

And it’s a great predictor of later life success and income.

But a lack of willpower is surely going to trip you up when practicing patience because an inability to exercise discipline to say no to something will get you into one too many sticky situations.

2.) Lack of care

The more you care for something, the more patient you’ll be for it.

Love is patient after all.

Tech enthusiasts will wait later for a phone which promises better qualities. During passover, people crave flour based products.

The longer the wait, the greater the desire (think; when you live abroad and crave the comfort foods from home).

But, if you don’t care much about the thing requiring patience, then you won’t wait.

3.) Lack of trust

How long should you wait for the bus?

How long should you wait for the results you want?

People who grow up in unstable home environments can be less patient because their environment was unpredictable. They learned that what they wanted might not always come.

So if we don’t know when a desired result will come, we’re more likely to be impatient.

4.) A desire to get this off your mind

We hate open goals, we prefer goal closure.

Hence most people if they had a $15 debt, would prefer to give $20 to pay off the debt now than wait a month and pay the correct amount of $15.

This is also why motivation to complete a goal is greatest during the beginning and end but wanes in the middle.

A side note:

Before we get into the 4 steps of how to build monk like patience, it’s important we remember that impatience isn’t always a bad thing.

Always waiting can prevent you from enjoying something in life now. As the saying goes; too long a sacrifice makes a stone of the heart.

But, of course, there are numerous occasions where we could do with more patience, so let’s get into the 4 ways to build it.

How to build patience:

1.) Distraction

A week ago I had to go to a mechanic to get my bike fixed. I ended up waiting an hour and half which felt like torture.

So halfway through I began walking up and down the corridor whilst counting my steps, then I used the time to listen to voice notes I’d been sent on WhatsApp.

Then suddenly my bike was ready.

So it’s easy to wait if you don’t know you’re waiting in the first place.

2.) Make your decision in advance

If regardless of what option you choose, you have to wait anyway, you’re more likely to be patient to wait for a better reward down the line.

For example, if I offered to give you $100 now or $120 in 6 months, you’d likely choose $100.

But if I offered to give you $100 in 6 months or $120 in 10 months, you’d likely choose the $120.

Why?

This is because regardless of what option you choose, they both involve waiting.

Another example is you’re less likely to pay shipping fees if it reduces the delivery time from 10 days to 5 days as opposed to shortening the delivery date from 5 days to the next day.

So, don’t tempt yourself away from your long-term pursuits by giving yourself the option of choosing something shiny now. Introduce more time before the smaller-sooner option becomes available and you’ll likely exercise more patience for the later-larger option.

3.) Wait to choose

Thomas Jefferson said “when angry, count to ten before you speak. When very angry, count to a hundred.”

Here you can weigh up immediate opportunities or offers which come your way with the mental model:

If it’s not a hell yeah it’s a no.

Because anything which sparks uncertainty in you likely means it’s not a good idea to pursue.

If you’re unsure about whether you should say something, don’t say it.

If you’re unsure whether you like this person, don’t continue the relationship.

If you’re uncertain, it means no.

4.) Address the cause of impatience

If you’re impatient due to uncertainty about your future, develop a deeper connection to your future self.

Students who used VR to see an image of their 70 year old selves were more likely to invest in their pension.

Students who wrote letters to their future selves were more likely to exercise.

If you’re impatient due to a lack of love for the thing you’re waiting for, remind yourself of why it’s important to you.

This might happen naturally as you wait for it because the more effort you put into something the more likely you are to see it as valuable (check out sunk-cost fallacy).

Lastly, you can use technological tools here to get a smaller goal off your mind. For example; using reminders, scheduling a specific time for an email to be sent etc.

5.) Wait for the sake of others

If we’re waiting for something together, and my patience affects your patience, I’ll be more likely to wait.

A couple that sets a joint savings goal are more likely to hit their target than individuals who have no joint goal.

So find an accountability partner, or someone who’s heading in the same direction as you. Let them know what you’re waiting for and vice versa. Or both decide you’ll wait for the same thing.

Summary:

So, in summary:

1.) Distract yourself while waiting and you won’t feel like you’re waiting

2.) Make your decision in advance by making all your options involve waiting anyway

3.) Wait to choose (if it’s not a hell yeah it’s a no)

4.) Address the cause of your impatience by developing a deeper connection to your future self

5.) Wait for the sake of others

Lastly, to run this home, here are some questions to ask yourself:

1.) Are you more patient in some contexts than others? Are you making shortsighted financial, medical, academic, or other decisions?

2.) When you’re impatient, are you mainly concerned about making shortsighted decisions or feeling agitated, even angry, about having to wait? Is it both the decision and the experience that are difficult for you?

3.) Why are you impatient? There are several possible reasons: lack of willpower, lack of trust that good things will happen if you wait, not caring enough for the delayed rewards, or maybe there’s already too much on your mind.

4.) How can you become more patient?

Thank you for listening fellow philosopher.

And I’ll see you very soon.