The Psychology of Becoming Your Future Self

We hear a lot in spirituality and self-improvement that we need to “become our higher self”.

Yet hardly anyone gives us concrete advice on how to do so.

But what if I told you there’s a psychology behind it?

And in 4 simple steps you could get closer to being the type of person your wildest dreams could imagine?

Well, enough of the fancy hook just to get your appetite going, here are those 4 simple steps.

1.) Clearly identify your future self and how to become them

Firstly, without a clear idea of who your future self is, you stand no chance at becoming them.

So take some time to think of all the big, ambitious and crazy things your future self has already accomplished.

Take some time to write it down:

• What do they look like?

• What’s their social life like?

• What’s their job?

• How much money do they earn?

• What do they value?

• How do they walk into a room?

All this introspection work leads us to forming a clear goal of the type of person we want to become, which will dictate everything that comes next.

(A quick note on goals and depression.)

Research shows depressed people are more likely to set vague goals meaning they’re less likely to achieve them, thus fuelling their downward spiral of depression.

So make sure you’re as clear as possible when highlighting your image of your higher self.

Here are 2 principles to help you do so...

Principle 1, identify your 5 year priorities:

Pick 3 priorities you will prioritise higher than anything else over the next 5 years of your life.

Why 3?

Because in the words of Jim Collins; “if you have more than three priorities you don’t have any.”

Perhaps you want to prioritise:

• Being in the best shape of your life each day (health)

• Building your social capital into a tight nit community (social)

• Consistently earning 10k per month (wealth)

Principle 2, identify your 12 month goals:

Then break up your previously listed priorities into 12 months goals, 1 month goals, 1 week goals and 1 day goals.

For example:

• In 12 months time you want to have built a solid community of friends

• 1 month goal = get 4 new numbers of people you’ve met

• 1 week goal = go to 2 new cafes to work

• 1 day goal = book a salsa class near you

But zooming back into the daily, here’s another technique you can use to become your future self.

2.) Prioritise your future self daily

Do so by removing all non-crucial activities and instant gratification.

If something pulls you into a lower consciousness existence such as:

• Excessive scrolling

• Mindlessly checking instagram

• Watching movies instead of heading out to socialise

Remove it.

You can do so by:

• Winning your impulses (when you notice the urge to engage in lower activities = set a 10 minute timer and surf the urge. When you feel the urge to give up on something too soon = push yourself 40% harder)

• Create positive associations (eat an apple before studying. Smile before you enter social events. Listen to calming music while working.)

Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of good sleep rituals for aligning your actions more to your higher self. Because we all know we’re not our best when we’re tired.

So:

• Get early morning sunlight as soon as you wake up for 3-10 minutes (to kick start your circadian rhythm) - shoutouts to my boy Andrew Huberman

• Cultivate an evening wind down routine (perhaps turn off all screens an hour before bed and read)

Because the strength you feel tomorrow is created from the calm you give your evenings.

Here are 3 principles to help you align your daily actions to your higher self.

Principle 1, disregard non-crucial activities:

When unsure about whether you should do something, such as giving into a temptation or continuing in the face of discomfort, think of yourself at 100 years old.

Ask: will this activity matter then?

If your 100 year old self wouldn’t want you to do it, don’t do it.

By maintaining a running dialogue with your 100 year old self you establish empathy within your imagination, whereby you’re much less likely to engage in sabotaging behaviours as you’ll understand the consequences such actions can have on your 100 year old self.

Act as if they’re always watching.

Principle 2, schedule 12 month goals before other tasks:

Around 4 hours a day, dedicated to working on your goals, will be more than enough time for you to experience sufficient progress.

Do so by ensuring the tasks aligned with your goals are prioritised above all else.

For example:

• Move “working on side hustle”/studying/reading to the mornings before your day job.

Principle 3, replace instant gratification with beneficial habits:

If you can incorporate working towards your goals into all of your behaviours, your progress will skyrocket.

For example:

• If you want to become fluent in Italian within 12 months, but between 6-8pm you fall into a pit of doom scrolling each night, change the content you watch to only Italian content.

To gain deeper clarity over your current instant gratification vices, write up a list of them with productive goal-oriented replacements to the side.

But striving to be our future selves alone can often be a lonely road.

Hence tip number 3 is…

3.) Seek out beneficial environments

We are products of our environments.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the 5 chimp theory before, but in case you haven’t, the theory states; you are the average of the 5 people you hang around with most.

So if we want to become our future selves we must aim to socialise with people who are better than us.

(Side note: the same wisdom applies to the content you consume as well. You are the average of the 5 influencers/podcasts/authors whose content you consume the most.)

Principle 1, step out of your comfort zone:

To find “the others” who will aid us in our pursuit of becoming our future selves, we must enact the courage to find them.

We can do so by doing the things our future selves would succeed at but our present selves might not.

Perhaps our future self is a charismatic socialite with a strong network of friends, but you currently feel socially under-stimulated and lacking of a friendly support group.

In which case consider:

• What habits aided your future self in becoming a charismatic socialite?

• What events might they have attended?

• How do they hold themselves in conversation?

Stepping out of our comfort zones requires the mindset of ‘failing upwards’. Because we’re going to get somethings wrong, no doubt about it. But so long as we’re in our stretch zone, that is all the feedback we need to know we’re on the right path.

A useful tool I use is asking this question each day:

• What is one thing I can do today that will make me hesitate?

Do that each day for 30 days and you’ll be almost unrecognisable.

Note, the question isn't:

• What is one thing I can do today that will make me crap my pants?

You must neither abuse your fears nor face them in ways which are easily tolerable.

Instead, living in your stretch zone means facing your fears in a way that makes you question "can I do this?", instead of injecting you with a life-threatening jolt of panic.

Principle 2, surround yourself with people who are better than you:

As the saying goes, if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

So when looking for ‘the others’, look for people who are like your future self.

As he highlights in his book the compound effect, Darren Hardy highlights there are 3 types of people:

• 1.) Dissociations (people who exhibit the behaviours you’re trying to avoid) - cut ties with them.

• 2.) Limited associations (people who posses some negative traits but won’t immediately impact your behaviour) - limit your contact with them.

• 3.) Expanded associations (people whom you aspire to emulate) - go out of your way to spend more time with them.

But without the final piece of the puzzle, becoming our future self will be like scrambling uphill instead of floating downhill.

4.) Have an empowering view of life and fate

Most people fail to become their higher selves because they have a disempowering view of life and fate due to three factors:

• 1.) Their past

• 2.) Their current circumstances

• 3.) An inability to control their fate

So to combat these three things, here are three principles.

Principle 1, don’t let your past dictate your future:

Regardless of what happens in your life, you always have the power to choose what happens next.

And you can fuel this process by adopting a mindset of empowerment over your past, whereby you reflect on the lessons you’ve learned from your experiences - not how you’ve been limited by them.

For example:

• Perhaps that relationship you thought was destined for eternity didn’t workout.

• But instead of placing the limitation on yourself of now believing “love is for losers”, perhaps you reflect and realise: for your next relationship you want to be more present, communicate clear boundaries on how much time you expect to spend together and place a higher importance on open, honest communication.

Our past, if not framed for growth, will stand as an impediment to our progress rather than useful instruction on what to do or not do.

Principle 2, take ownership of your circumstances and ability to change:

Do so by applying the stoic principle of turning shit into sugar.

Search any setback for a way it can be an advantage:

• Being stuck in traffic = an opportunity think through your 5 year plan.

• Being shouted at by a stranger = an opportunity to practice patience and conflict management.

• Being rejected by an attractive stranger = an opportunity to practice anti-fragility.

As said by Marcus Aurelius:

“The impediment to action advances action, what stands in the way becomes the way.”

Principle 3, believe that you’re the creator of your own fate:

There’s a brilliant quote I came across a year ago:

You have a lot less time than you think. You have a lot more control over how you spend your time than you think.

Depression and sadness largely arise to due a lack of options or a lack of control over our options. If you feel, no matter what you do, some external force is vying for your demise, life will be a constant slog you try to drag yourself through.

However, if you believe that how you act now is your choice, under your control and will send ripples throughout eternity, suddenly the game shifts in your favour and each moment becomes optimal.

After all, life isn’t happening to you, it’s responding to you.

Organisational psychologist Benjamin Hardy suggests we can believe we are the creators of our own fate by thinking of ourselves as a child of a higher power. As if we’re being guided by a benevolent force who wants the best for us.

Finally:

To become your future self you must believe that it is possible. That it’s your fate, destiny and what you deserve.

But note; becoming your future self is an infinite game. You will not arrive at a particular age having felt you’ve “done it”, and suddenly you can now relax the rest of your years away.

Your future self is always in the distance, always just out of reach.

But that’s the point.

The pursuit is the purpose.

As the author of the groundbreaking book Mindset, Carol Dweck says; becoming is better than being.

All the best.

Lew x