12 life lessons from 8 years of journaling

I'm only 23, so I don't know everything there is to know about life, but I have been journaling since I was around 14 and what that's shown me is that over the years I have noticed that there are a handful of realisations which continuously pop up. I guess because they're true.

So to avoid giving unsolicited advice, I’m going to disguise these lessons I think we should have learned in school as if I’m talking to myself.

So let’s get to it.

1.) The more I talk, the less I do.

There have been multiple times in my life where I am on the right path; I'm not watching porn, I'm meaningfully engaged in life and whatever my focus is at that time, and then a conversation arises. Either with someone I just met or with a friend. And I begin talking about how bad pornography is and all of the healthy habits I do instead of it.

And whilst giving this monologue, something inside me always signals danger at these words. I know, because I've experienced it before, that almost as if I'm playing a trick on myself, I then notice the temptation to self-sabotage and watch pornography increases over the following few days. In fact, most of the set backs I've experienced on this path have arisen after these monologues.

So the point I've realised here is that the more you talk, the less you do. Because talking and doing fight for the exact same resources, you must be extremely careful about which one you choose to engage. If you talk more, about what you're doing, what you plan to do, and what you despise, then realise you are running a risk of naturally slacking off. Because you feel as if by talking the work has already been done.

Lastly, there is an aspect of maturity here which I think is worth mentioning. For example, one of the best things I learned from Mark Manson is that you become an adult when the things you do are in line with the things you say. So if you're running your mouth and action isn't being taken, perhaps you need to grow up and develop some integrity in your actions.

However, if 'grow up' seems a bit too vague, then this might be better; shut up. And just do. Let your actions speak for themselves.

"He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know."

- Lao Tzu

2.) The more content I consume, the less happy I’ll be because I’ll start wanting what everyone else has.

Humans are susceptible. Me more than anyone else.

The unhappiest times in my life, the times where I've felt really confused, angry and depressed have all been times where I was consuming youtube videos and social media posts the most.

Fundamentally, whenever I consume more content its because at that point I haven't given myself something else worthwhile to focus on. And so I choose to escape from my environment and my life because I find it dull and boring.

I begin to watch the lives of others on youtube and their plans for success. Suddenly I grow more dissatisfied with my own life because I see what they have and I want it. Therefore I now have a chosen unhappiness (a desire) and a consistent theme of dissatisfaction in my life.

Not to mention that you begin to adopt the opinions of others and their easily won wisdom and pieces of advice. As Naval Ravikant says "the price we pay for wisdom is pain" but without going through the process to arrive at our own wisdom we feel unchallenged and consequently depressed because of this.

The happiest moments in my life all have a consistent theme; I am engaged in the world and people around me, not in a screen. In fact, I become so fascinated and occupied with what I'm doing that the appeal of watching youtube or pornography seems laughable. One because I know it will fuck everything up. And two because it seems shallow.

So there's no debate; all screen time consumption is linked to less happiness.

3.) It is so much better for me and I’ll save boundless amounts of time if I just allow myself to be bored and do nothing (especially when deciding what to do next)

In reference to number 2, I've realised that a lot of the time, especially after a thrilling experience such as a holiday or during a period in my life where I feel I need to focus on what path to take next, the more I distract myself from the feeling of boredom the more I delay the necessary rest and realisations I need to move into the next chapter.

When I need to do nothing, I should do nothing. No youtube, no phone, no laptop, just lay on the fucking bed and do nothing.

But, the reason why I don't default to doing this is because I feel guilty. I feel guilty in the eyes of the people I live with commenting "wow, he's done nothing all day, what a waste".

Absolutely without a shadow of a cunting doubt, fuck that. Be bored. It's for your own benefit.

4.) No matter what's happening in my life, if I'm exercising consistently, I'm fine.

That's it.

5.) Half-felt emotions are dangerous. I need to go all the way to be rid of the emotion and LEARN what it's actually trying to tell me.

Related to the point on boredom, if you get your head out of the fucking screen and just listen to what this consistent emotion is trying to tell you then you can make big changes in your life.

Every courageous thing I've done in my life, every big life change, was made possible because beforehand I allowed myself to listen to what the emotion was telling me.

For example, moving out of my mum's house and to Bristol alone; I felt depressed and disconnected beforehand so I knew I wanted to build a community.

Quitting my job to fully focus on writing, teaching and building my youtube channel; beforehand I felt drained, tired and as if I was wasting time.

So feel your emotion all the way to the depths. Don't back out. No matter what it is. There will be dark days for sure. Sometimes You'll question whether anything is worth it. And don't worry about what other people think about how you feel. A pet hate of mine is anyone who cannot accept that someone else isn't positive or happy 24/7. So if you live with someone who will constantly comment on how you're feeling if you're feeling down and need to go fully into the emotion, politely tell them to leave you alone for a bit or at least to not comment on your mood.

6.) The key to life is the handful of emotions that I feel most consistently.

Again reflecting on the happiest moments in my life, they have all been states of mind. Perhaps some of them lasted a week, 2 weeks or a few months, but one thing that strikes me as consistent during these periods is there were a handful of emotions which I felt consistently.

During my time traveling alone I felt engaged. During my year living with my cousin in Bristol I felt connected and fulfilled.

So the key to happiness is to realise that the emotions you want to feel are skills.

Happiness is a skill you can cultivate through your habits. Love is a skill you build through how to treat others. Confidence is a skill you cultivate through having a bias towards action.

7.) Women really appreciate good hygiene.

:)

8.) My environment is key, but I should be able to have inner peace no matter where I am.

Where you live, how much nature is around you, the people and opportunities you're exposed to all are key. But these things all begin with where you are with yourself; no matter where you are in the world.

Hence you can convince yourself that the key to the good life is to move away and start a new life. And maybe it is. But maybe you'll arrive in this new land with no further sense of satisfaction, but the depressing realisation that you've brought ruins to ruins.

So whenever I find myself in a rut and I begin to convince myself I need to travel somewhere else to clear my head, I jokingly force myself to stay put for a while until I do the necessary inner work.

And then if I still want to travel after feeling mentally healthier, I can.

9.) The most fulfilling answers in life are always the spiritual ones. Always.

You cannot solve your chronic life dissatisfaction with more productivity.

You cannot make someone love you with coercion or false bravado.

You cannot make yourself happy by becoming rich.

But you can choose presence now. And you can choose to be sincere instead of serious now.

All of the most fulfilling moments in my life have arisen due to me feeling spiritually connected and present. Whatever that means for you.

10.) I cannot force anyone to do anything. And if I do, that’s a dick move.

You cannot choose what people want for them. You cannot make decisions for them.

What's better, whether they be a friend, girlfriend or stranger, is to just listen to them and be a soundboard for what they're saying. Reflect their words back to them and help them arrive at their own wisdom.

11.) Only give advice if someone asks for it.

Shut the fuck up and just listen. The person will realise whatever they need to realise themselves. And only give advice if someone asks for it.

12.) Don’t expect honesty from people who lie to themselves

You’re going to get screwed over at least a handful of times in your life. But sometimes you get warnings as to who is more likely to take advantage of you. And you can gauge this by the relationship this person has with themselves.

If they lie to themselves, if they don’t follow through on promises, if you find out they’ve screwed people over in the past, best believe it can happen to you.