It's Not About You Anymore

3 weeks ago I was sat in a Cafe in Bristol brainstorming ideas for this YouTube channel. I was killing time before meeting my friend Naz because it was 9:30 in the morning and she probably wasn’t awake yet.

We’d agreed to meet for 10am but I ordered another tea because her punctuality is about as good as a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with one ear.

The first time I met Naz was around a year ago and we instantly connected on the fact we don’t drink. Indian and Hindu herself, I asked her why she doesn’t drink and she replied “as I got deeper into my spiritual practice I thought why half ass it?”. (She doesn’t sound like that I just didn’t want to put on an Indian accent). I respected that and knew we’d be friends.

But little did I know the accountability she would hold me to a year later.

Anyway, Naz is who I turn to whenever I have questions about spirituality or religion.

Most people roll their eyes at the word spirituality because It’s usually associated with blue haired 20 year olds who walk around barefoot and speak in a way you can’t help tilt your head whilst listening to them and think “I would love to punch you”.

But spirituality isn’t that. It’s actually pretty cool.

So, I’m plugging away in the cafe killing time and a thought occurred to me. Why do I do what I do?

“Easy answer” I thought. “I do it to help other people”.

Satisfied with my response and moment of reflection I called Naz and she answered straight away. She’d been awake this whole time, to my surprise, so I made the 5 minute pilgrimage to her flat.

Tea brewed, greetings given, we got straight to talking about our favourite topics and as usual she was on fire with her responses.

She told me stories about Shiva and Parvati, Ganesha and why he has an elephant head. The Hindu god Indra and the story of him cheating on his wife to then be cursed by being covered in 1000 vaginas. Until the god Gautama took pity on this and changed it to 1000 eyes.

We also spoke about the Bhagavad Gita (the holy text for Hinduism) which is a story based on a battlefield. It captures the dialogue between the warrior Arjuna and the Hindu god Khrisna. Arjuna, beset and tormented with the fact he has to wage war against his family, he seeks counsel in Khrisna for the numerous spiritual questions he has and Khrisna guides him from torment to spiritual breakthrough on the battlefield.

30 minutes into our discussion I needed the toilet. By the time I went to the toilet and came back, Naz was waving a burning stick in the air and I thought; blimey she’s not just knowledgeable she’s also a nutter and wants to burn the place down. It turns out this burning stick has healing properties so I thought, why not.

We returned to the conversation. Listening in fascination like a little boy hearing a nighttime story about Hindu Gods for the first time, I wanted to ask her something.

1 week prior to this conversation I’d been reading the Bhagavad Gita and I came across a chapter on selfless service I wanted to talk to her about.

I pitched the topic to her and was about to summarise it in my best English, but before I could, and as if Naz already knew what I was about to ask her, she turned towards me and in a solemn, sage-like voice declared “yes Lewis. Your spiritual journey has been selfish. You have been following the spiritual path for your own benefit.”

Taken aback, I took a moment to register what she’d just said. But with intrigue I asked her to elaborate.

“Your spirituality is geared towards you being more productive, acquiring wealth, appearing a certain way.” She replied.

Even though I was shocked at this calmly delivered right hook to the face, something inside me realised what she just said was true. In fact, it was more than true.

Contrast this accountability from Naz with my previously satisfying thought that I do what I do to help others, not for selfish reasons, I felt that assumption had gone, in technical terms, tits up.

I was about to ask her how I remedy selfish action but it was time for me to catch my 3 hour train back to Kent.

So I got up, thanked her for the burning stick and spiritual insight and was on my way.

A 3 hour train journey provides plenty of time to think. Even more thinking time if you’re not feeling very social, which I wasn’t. I didn’t have earphones either so there was no music or podcasts for me. Just thinking.

My mind was full and occupied with one humbling but unsettling thought; why do I agree with what Naz said?

After the 3 hour travel I rushed home, greeted my mum and re-read the chapter on selfless service in the Gita as if I were a book addict that had finally scored some gear. This time, however, I was reading it with fresh eyes.

What I’m going to share with you next is the complete lesson I learned from this experience and from reading this chapter in the Bhagavad Gita.

I promise that if you absorb this message, you will not be the same person you were before…

On the battlefield, Khrisna awakens Arjuna to the importance of karma which means deed or action. Khrisna emphasises if you experience good in your life its because you have done good in the past. If you experience bad you are merely reaping the consequences of a bad act previously taken. So, everything is your fault.

However, this idea created the fear that people would become enslaved to their positive karma and remain in a cycle of continuously pursuing pleasure.

Khrisna tells Arjuna the way to escape the karmic cycle isn’t to renounce the world and retreat into the mountains like an ascetic, but to operate in the world with selfless service. Only then, when we are free from the bonds of karma - every consequence of past action - can we achieve the ultimate goal of life.

Most people are bound in their own activity, wanting desperately to see their actions come to fruition. The illumined man or woman, however, acts selflessly without ego or thought of personal gain. To survive the world we must act, Khrisna warns us. Action is our liberation.

But spiritual failure comes if we get too egotistically caught up in our action. Khrisna warns that ego, selfish desire and anger are our greatest enemies towards achieving the ultimate state in life.

Khrisna offers King Janaka as an example to Arjuna. Janaka was a king who ruled well and didn’t shirk his responsibilities. He was detached and worked from a sense of duty, not for personal gain or enjoyment. He was regarded as a royal sage who pursued enlightenment not by renouncing the world but by working in it and contributing to its welfare. In essence, he enjoyed the best of the spiritual and material world.

So how can we apply this to our own lives?

In the modern world, it seems everyone is out for their own benefit. Everyone wants to get rich, be famous and have their name at the forefront of their efforts. “I did this. I deserve the credit. I am special. Without me, this ship sinks”.

This is a be mindset instead of a do mindset.

In his book Ego Is The Enemy, Ryan Holiday distinguishes between these two mindsets.

When we act from the be mindset we want fame, validation and followers. This breeds fantasy, deceit and arrogance.

However, when we act from the do mindset, all that matters is the work. This promotes realism, integrity and continuous improvement.

When you’ve discovered your life’s purpose, the reason you’re here on earth and how you want to be of value in the world, the work is no longer about you. You merely become a vessel for the work to be actualised.

You vanish and dissolve in the gift of your giving.

From a religious lens, you allow the work of God to be actualised through you. But this insight isn’t just reserved for the religious.

When you act selflessly in the world; results, fame and rewards do not concern you. What concerns you is the work being your focus. Your only focus.

The YouTuber hamza recently exemplified this mindset where he said; his procrastination and emotions towards his life’s mission doesn’t matter. What matters is him helping as many young men as he can.

Andrew Huberman is another example of this; with his insistent focus on the science - not himself. Hence he wears all black to not distract the viewer from the knowledge being discussed.

You may think this selfless service is a way to be negligent towards yourself. But the contrary is actually true.

When your focus is all about giving your gift to the world in selfless service, you realise the importance of taking care of yourself so you can better give this gift from a place of health and strength.

You need to keep the vessel (yourself) in pristine condition so that God can act through you without hindrance or confusion.

From a non religious view; you keep yourself in pristine condition so that the work works upon you. And your strengths are utilised for the utmost output.

And when you lose sight of your purpose or it evolves before your eyes, you must reconnect to it and renew it through solitude, mission, retreat, prayer or challenge.

The ultimate state in life is the bliss you experience from selfless service. To know that you are giving your gift in each moment, for others and as a vessel for God.

Then, the you in the way crumbles into karmic balance, operating outside the perils of reward, able to die in any moment with a smile on your face because your work is being actualised.

And because you were never after the reward, when it comes it passes like a breeze on a fine summer’s day.

You’ve heard it before; journey or destination?

In the lens of selfless service it becomes;

To be or to do?

Which one will you choose?

“The ignorant work for their own profit, Arjuna; the wise work for the welfare of the world, without thought for themselves.”