Amigos and amigas!

The big 3 newsletter is here!

- 1 mental health tip

- 1 social skills tip

- 1 personal reflection

Let's dive straight into this week's mental health tip...

1.) How to learn anything in 1/2 the time

If you want to learn anything in 1/2 the time while still having fun, you need to gamify the process of learning while reducing the consequences of failure as much as possible.

The bigger picture...

In 2018, in an attempt to prove anyone can learn how to code, the YouTube star and former NASA engineer Mark Rober conducted an experiment on 50,000 of his youtube subscribers.  

They were sent a simple game in which they had to code a car correctly around a maze (see below).

The catch?...

Half of the participants (group 1) saw this message pop up on the screen when they made a mistake...

The other half (group 2) saw this message...

The results...

Only 52% of group 2 succeeded (with an average of 5 tries before success). Whereas 68% of group 1 succeeded (with an average of 12 tries before success).

The bottom line...

The higher the cost of failure, the riskier failure becomes. Meaning you'll become more disheartened when you do fail and then give up quicker.

And when you give up, learning stops.

But here's the cool part...

Although you might not be able to logistically change a situation to lower the cost of failure, you can lower the cost in your mind by changing how you frame failure.

In other words, you don't need to logistically manufacture reality to lower the stakes, you just need to lower your expectations.

For example:

- If you expect to speak like a caveman for at least the first 6 months of learning a new language, you won't be put off by how you sound. So you'll learn more.

- If you expect to frequently stumble over your feet as you learn the basics of bachata, you'll make more progress than you would if you expected to dance perfectly first try, realise you can't, grow disheartened and then give up.

- If you expect to be nervous when practicing being assertive for the first time, you'll keep practicing in the face of discomfort.

- If you expect to write bad code within your first year of learning, you'll stick with it for longer.

High expectations are like fine pottery. The tighter you grip them, the easier they shatter.

So reduce the cost of mistakes (logistically or within your expectations) and you'll skyrocket your progress in anything.

Here are a few examples of how to logistically reduce the stakes of failure...

- Instead of practicing that language with natives straight away, practice with strangers online via voice notes. (Stakes = social embarrassment)

- Learn the basic steps of bachata in your garden from youtube videos before going to your first group class. (Stakes = social embarrassment).

- Instead of practicing that new communication technique with your boss, practice it with your family first. (Stakes = reputational risk).

- Do client work for your friends before taking on professional clients to test your coding skills. (Stakes = reputational risk).

The hardest skill to learn is the one in which you interpret your mistakes as bugs of the process instead of features. The easiest skill to learn is the one in which you interpret your mistakes as features of the process instead of bugs.

So my question to you is...

- Take a moment to think of something you're learning or would like to learn.

- Now ask: how could I make the cost of failure as cheap as possible?

Go deeper:

- Here's Mark Rober's ted talk (the guy who did the study)

Now let's cover this week's social skills tip...

2.) Squinting

As some of you know, last week I was in Barcelona visiting a friend.

On day one of my trip I stepped out of my apartment early in the morning to be greeted by the sun, beaming with energy and ready to socialise. I then made the 1 hour journey (by foot) to the beach to train calisthenics.

As soon as I started walking down the sunny street I was greeted by happy morning smiles which I reciprocated with a happy "hola".

"These Spanish are lovely" I thought, "much nicer than the pent up and miserable British."

But 30 minutes after walking in the centre of the city, I started to feel less sociable and more tired with each step I took. Suddenly I was no longer smiling back at people or saying "hola" because my social battery had more than halved.

Why?

I'd forgotten to bring my sunglasses so my eyes were constantly squinting from the bright sun reflecting off the pavements.

So after doing my workout, and draining my energy levels even more because I was fully exposed to the sun on the beach (lol), I bought a pair of 6 euro sunglasses and the next day I repeated the same walk while feeling like my happy self but this time with a steady social battery.

The bottom line...

You might not be having a 'bad social day'. You might just be squinting too much.

Squinting drains your energy and comes across as uncharismatic. All of which makes you less approachable.

Just take a look at the photos below and imagine that person stood in front of you listening to what you're saying...

Not exactly signalling; "go on, I'm interested to hear more because I like you."

More like; "shut up you bumbling idiot."

However, a close cousin of squinting, also known as hunter eyes, is a charismatic signal that can come across as attractive.

Basically just squint your eyes slightly without raising your cheeks.

Do so when listening to someone to show interest in what they're saying. (You'll notice people naturally do this when concentrating).

And who knows? They might just propose to you there and then.

All in all: when the sun is shining, pack your sunnies. Your social battery depends on it.

Now let's finalise with this week's personal realisation...

3.) Being right

In the theme of learning, here's something I tweeted this week...

The biggest mistake you can make when learning something new is wasting energy on proving a method doesn't work so you can blame the method for your lack of progress instead of your lack of skills.

Do you want to be right or get better?

If better, just find a new method.

Thank you for reading.

Free course:

Now I have something to ask of you.

As some of you know, I'm currently building a course to help you 100x your social skills.

But there's a risk.

Assumptions.

In order for me to help you as efficiently as possible, I need to be 100% sure on exactly what social skills problems you're struggling with. Instead of guessing and then helping you solve problems you don't have.

So if 7 questions (which take around 4 minutes in total to answer) isn't too much of me to ask, I've made a quick survey below for you to fill out.

As a bonus, by filling it out you'll automatically be entered to win the course for free when it's launched (I'll pick 3 lucky winners!).

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScc1gCvQ6I5dInGvhsKCUMyuCFhY10IpV3fqNoI9NNM9gWS9g/viewform?usp=dialog

Note: I can't give an exact date as to when it'll be launched yet, but by being a newsletter subscriber you'll be the first to know.

Thank you for helping me help you :).

I appreciate your time,

Until next week,

Lew

Quote of the week:

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