Beware of wisdom you didn't earn

It’s November of 2021 and I’m sat in my room in front of my laptop.

The sun is just starting to rise outside, and it’s the weekend, meaning most people are usually outside spending time with their friends, but I’m sat looking out of the window with a sullen look on my face, wondering how I can make this weekend slightly less miserable and lonely than the last.

I’ve been living in my mum’s house for the last 4 months, in the town I grew up in after living abroad for 2 years, but since moving back I haven’t made any friends or been bothered about reaching out to the friends I grew up with. Mainly because we drifted apart and I feel like I’m in a different stage of life now.

So I decide to distract myself from my loneliness by opening my laptop to watch something on YouTube. But then doorbell rings.

So I close my laptop, check the time to see its 10am and quickly head downstairs to open the door, still half-naked because I haven’t got dressed yet.

I peak around the corner of the window to see who’s knocking but it appears no one is there. So I open the door and I’m shocked at what I see.

A huge cardboard box right by the doorstep. So I lean down to pick it up and it ends up turning into a leg day as I have to squat down and deadlift this box because its so heavy.

As I struggle to take it inside I wave to the delivery driver as he drives off and rush into the kitchen to grab a pair of scissors.

So I sit there, inspecting what could be inside the box, whilst I slide the scissors down the side of it, open it up and I’m instantly hit with a smell from heaven.

Fresh, crispy books. All 15 of them.

Then it hits me! This wasn’t a gift from the library gods, because now I remember 2 weeks prior I decided to treat myself by ordering 15 brand new Russian literature books with the plan I’d fill my lonely, miserably boring weekends with reading. A fitting replacement I thought.

But as I’m flicking through the books with a beaming, dopamine filled smile on my face, the door knocks again. So I walk to the door like a psychopathic book fiend because I’m still holding the scissors in my hand, until I put them down, open the door and I’m greeted by my auntie Julie and uncle Darren.

I guess I’ll have to save the reading for later I think.

So they come into the house, and they’re here because my uncle Darren is a carpenter and he needs to fix something for my mum. As soon as they walk in, after a bit of small talk, they ask what’s in the box and I turn into a 5 year old child showing them what’s inside. All 15 of my new friends and my ticket out of loneliness.

But as I begin showing them the books, I start to prefer that I now have people to talk to instead of sitting in my room alone.

So my auntie makes herself a cup of tea and my uncle Darren gets to work in the garage outside sawing wood and screwing it together.

My auntie Julie is the most spiritual person I know and she’s who got me into meditation when I was 16 and opened my eyes to the world of Hindu religion and philosophy. She’s young beyond her years and she always gives you the feeling she’s 100% present when talking to you. My uncle Darren is one the wittiest and comedic people I know. He doesn’t read a lot but could tell you what classic music piece is playing on the radio whilst telling you how to fix anything that’s broken whilst giving you a lecture on the history of England within 5 minutes.

So after talking a bit with Julie I go out into the garage to give Darren a hand with his work, because after a heart attack he suffered a few years ago he’s not as mobile as he once was.

So we get into conversation about how we both are, standard conversation.

But when Darren asks what’s new with me, I start talking about the books because I realise that’s the only thing I have to talk about. Nothing else is really going on in my life. So I revive my excitement for them, and talk about how I plan to finish all 15 of them by the end of the year.

But my excitement is cut short by Darren’s silence at what I’m saying. I thought he’d share my excitement because he loves collecting things himself, films, antiques, special edition books. But he continues sawing the wood whilst looking down at his hands, with a stern and regretful look on his face, as if he’s preparing himself to deliver some bad news.

So I finish what I’m saying and nervously wait for his response, and after 10 seconds of silently listening to what I’ve said, and as if Darren can tell how I’ve been secluding myself for the last 4 months, he gradually looks up at me and in a calm but stern voice says:

“Lewis, you do know your life isn’t in these books. It’s out there.” As he points outside of the garage.

And I didn’t need him to say anything else.

Message received.

Distillation:

When I was 21 years old, I wasn’t very engaged with life.

Between the ages of 18-21 I had travelled and lived abroad. But at 21 I returned home and quickly began to isolate myself from social invitations and instead spend my weekends alone in my room reading books.

But it wasn’t until this experience with my uncle that I realised I was trying to understand everything I could about life without having either foot planted in it. I was sat back, memorising the words of what everyone else was saying and learning from their experiences without actively learning from my choices and walking my own path in life.

I was scared to make a choice and to embrace new experiences. So I relied on the lessons from other people to give me the feeling I was progressing.

This experience allowed me to understand the following quote:

“Beware of wisdom you didn’t earn.” - Carl Jung

I felt called to make this video because never before have I seen so many young people in their teens give life advice which they clearly haven’t actualised through their own experience.

Today, it’s not uncommon to see a 16 year old guru telling other people how to level up in life and get their life in order. But you can tell their words are just the regurgitations of their role model’s advice, devoid of any fresh perspectives or nuanced thought.

If someone put a gun to my head at 16 and asked me to give my life advice on the internet I would’ve swiped my fringe to the side and said “yeah ok, but just after I play this game of Fifa and scroll through my crushes’ instagram.” I was clueless!

But outside the focus of 16 year old gurus, because of social media, we’ve never before had such access to the opinions, thoughts and experiences of other people. And the tricky thing is, if we’re not careful, we’ll easily get lost in what other people are telling us to do rather than what we want to do. In other words, never before has it been easier to let other people do the dirty work for us while we sit back and soak up the lessons from their victories and failures.

Online, in podcasts or videos, we hear people respond to the question “what advice would you give to your younger self?” in the hopes someone younger than them will listen and avoid all of that person’s mistakes. And I’m guilty because I’ve made some videos like this in the past.

But when you absorb this type of advice, what you miss out on is the opportunity to arrive at your own wisdom.

As Dostoyevsky said: To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. In the first case you are a man, in the second you're no better than a bird.

The reason this is important is because in order to have any credibility of what you’re saying, you need skin in the game. You need experiences to match your life wisdom.

Granted the thought of not getting your first relationship right, failing your first business or studying the wrong degree for 3 years isn’t exactly fun. But through doing so, you’ll learn valuable lessons you can’t learn through listening to other people.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got for writing was from Ryan Holiday, but it also applies to life in general.

In order to be a great writer, live an interesting life.

In order to live a great life, live.

Don’t sit back trying to dissect everything through books and the words of other people without actively engaging in life. Going out there, putting your ass on the line, approaching that stranger, taking that job, booking the flight, telling that person what they really mean to you.

It’s great to read, learn and absorb lessons from other people. I still do so everyday. But what is different is this isn’t my whole life. I still take risks, challenge myself to come up with answers instead of asking someone else and engage in life to test what I’m learning through my experience.

Lastly, here’s an analogy to illustrate this idea.

When you only rely on other people’s wisdom, it’s like you’re carrying with you a treasure chest filled with precious jewels. And although you know what’s inside the chest, it remains forever locked, because you don’t have the key to open it.

However, arriving at your own wisdom is what provides you the key to unlock the chest and to use the gems in whatever way you choose.

So the next time you find life beginning to feel dull and yourself feeling a little too heavy, with concept upon concept and quote upon quote whirling around your head, discard your books, switch off the advice from other people, and return to yourself by plunging into life.

Because when you get the message, hang up the phone.