Think Opposite, White Elephants & Fried Brains (6 min read)

Amigos and amigas...

47 sausage rolls and 35 mince pies later, Christmas is over & the new year has arrived 🎉.

(If I see one more "HOW TO MAKE 2025 THE BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE" video I'm gonna throw up 🤢).

In other news...

The first big 3 newsletter of 2025 is here!

• 1 mental health tip
• 1 social skills tip
• 1 personal reflection
  

Let's begin with this week's mental health tip..

1.) Think Opposite

Yesterday I began reading a new book called don’t believe everything you think by Joseph Nguyen (it’s great so far).

In the first chapter he outlines how your thoughts obstruct your view of reality by filtering your world view (which isn’t good if what you want is accuracy of a situation and to stop thinking negatively, lol I don't know if I want that, I kinda like tormenting myself by imagining fake scenarios in my head 🙃 NOT!).

To demonstrate how thoughts filter your reality, here are 2 examples...

If you ask two people their views on money you’re likely to get two different answers despite the fact that, regardless of their views, money is what it is; paper that is exchanged for stuff.

Similarly, two people sat on a sofa watching tv can have completely different experiences even though their reality (them watching tv) is the same.

• One person watches the tv show enjoying it.
• The other sits there thinking how much they hate their job.

So the bottom line is…

We all experience the same reality differently due to how we think.

And in order to experience true reality, you must let go of thinking.

But because I don't have a remedy yet for how to stop thinking (I'll let you know if I find one in the book), here’s a practical tool you can use the next time you’re caught in a negative thought pattern…

Think opposite.

Here’s what you do…

• 1.) Observe how you're currently responding (emotionally, physically and mentally) to a current thought in response to an experience.
• 2.) Ask yourself: "how would I be responding emotionally, physically and mentally if I were having the same experience but thinking the opposite of this thought?"

For example...

Let’s say you’re sat on the sofa watching tv whilst thinking about how much you hate your job.

First investigate how you're responding:

• Perhaps your posture is slumped
• Your eyebrows are frowned  
• You feel a pit of dread in your stomach

Then ask yourself: “how would I be responding emotionally, physically and mentally if I were having the same experience (watching TV) but thinking about how much I love my job?"

• Perhaps your posture would straighten
• You’d be secretly smiling and rehearsing the joy of walking into work tomorrow
• You’d feel a pulse of excitement in your stomach

Let's cover two more examples before we explain why this is important...

Imagine the scenario where you’re walking down the street but then begin criticising yourself in your head for a mistake you've made.

Again, observe how your body is responding to the thought:

• Perhaps your fists are clenched
• Jaw tightens
• Eyebrows are frowned  
• Your walking pace speeds up
  

Then ask...

"How would I be responding emotionally, physically and mentally if I were having the same experience (walking) but thinking about how proud I am of myself?"

Perhaps:

• You'd slow your walk down and open your posture
• Your eyebrows would loosen
• You'd feel a surge of gratitude in your stomach

Third and final example...

Let's imagine you've decided to start going to group salsa classes every Wednesday.

But as you approach the venue for the first time you start to feel racing anxiety whilst rehearsing the thought: "what if I make a fool of myself and everyone laughs at me?"‍

Again, take a moment to observe how you're currently reacting to that thought:

• Your palms are sweating
• You're mentally rehearsing failing a dance move
• You're imagining no one wanting to talk to you so you begin to feel embarrassment  

Now ask the million dollar question: "how would I be responding emotionally, physically and mentally if I were having the same experience (going to this salsa class) but thinking about how excited I am to meet new people and try something new?"

Perhaps:

• You'd begin to smile and look out for people to introduce yourself to
• Your posture would open and express invitation and confidence
• Your eyes would relax and you'd feel a surge of excitement

Why does this matter?

To change your response to an experience you need to change how you think about it.

Then that'll effect the choices you make, behaviours you take, experiences you have and emotions you feel.

Also, your mind can't tell the difference between imagination and reality. So by carefully crafting the thoughts you rehearse, you are literally creating your personal reality.

Additionally, your brain and body are always sending signals to each other to determine how you should be feeling, thinking and behaving in response to internal or external things.

In other words, as you begin to feel the way you’re thinking, you think the way you're feeling (otherwise known as thought-feeling loops).

So by first becoming aware of these thought-feeling loops as they're happening, you reduce their power over you.

As the writer Sheryl Sandberg says:

"We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change."

And then by asking: "how would I be responding emotionally, physically and mentally if I were having the same experience but thinking the opposite thought?", you're teaching your brain to slip into a new behavioural software and to expect something different in response to the external event.

Instal that new software by rehearsing your desired thought for long enough, thus causing your body to respond in alignment with that thought, and you'll have created a brand new thought-feeling loop.

Essentially, you'll have created a brand new personal reality (personality).

So in summary:

• 1.) Observe how you're currently responding (emotionally, physically and mentally) to the current thought.
• 2.) Ask yourself: "how would I be responding emotionally, physically and mentally if I were having the same experience but thinking the opposite thought?"
  

Word of warning...

Especially in response to the example of hating your job, you might be thinking "Lewis, that's a bit toxic. I don't want to gaslight myself into loving a situation that's bad."

And I totally agree.

The main point here isn't to love a bad situation but to practice this technique in situations where your thought patterns clearly aren't helping.

For example:

• Excessive anxiety
• Depressive rumination
• Self-attack
  

Asking "what if I loved my job?" doesn't mean you don't change your job if you genuinely don't like it. The technique is just to help you escape a thought-feeling loop that's spiralling you downwards.

Go deeper...

If you want to explore this topic further, I'd recommend:

• A newsletter we covered 3 weeks ago on brain predictions or this video on the same topic
• Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's book 7 and a half lessons about the brain
• Our latest video where we deep dived into Joe Dispenza's book breaking the habit of being yourself

Now let's cover this week's social skills tip...

2.) Avoid white elephants

I have a quick experiment for you to do...

Don’t think about a white elephant.

Impossible right?

You’ve probably heard this trick before, but it's a great example to illustrate how our brains can’t un-imagine things once they're mentioned.

But we rarely hear how this trick can be applied to our social lives.

The bigger picture...

When socialising, white elephants are the words, metaphors or impressions you make on others that they can’t un-imagine.

They’re negative impressions. But they’re more subtle than you think.

Take these common phrases as an example:

"Don’t worry!"

"No problem."

"Don’t hesitate to call."

Harmless right?

Not exactly.

Your brain prioritises words it can visualise. Meaning, when you hear such phrases you'll imagine “worry, problem, hesitation” which will create a negative impression in your mind.

So to avoid other people creating negative associations of you in their mind, when possible, replace negative words for positive ones.

Alternatives to the examples above would be:

Don’t worry! < We'll take care of it.

No problem. < It's ok.

Don’t hesitate to call. < Feel free to call anytime.

I hate him < we don't get along too well.

Finally, the same applies if you're speaking in metaphors, stories or analogies; avoid using harsh/dirty metaphors and instead immerse the other person in a positive sensory experience with your words.

Rule of thumb: imagine the emotions you'd ideally like the other person to associate with you in their head and use words likely to spark those feelings.

Now let's finalise with this week's personal realisation...

3.) Fried brains

Two weeks ago I was in a huge bookshop in London, flicking through the brand new paper backs like a crack addict who'd just scored some gear.

But as I began to read the first pages and blurb of the 4 books in my hand, I began to feel impatient as I just wanted to get the main message of the book straight away.

"Why are all these authors waffling so much? Why can't anyone just deliver their point in a succinct way anymore?" I said to myself in my head.

But in a split second, after noticing that thought flash across my mind, my heart dropped. And I realised; these authors aren't waffling but I've shrunk my attention span with social media to always want the flashiest, most gripping content NOW!

So I then wrote these words in my phone notes...

"If you’re finding books boring your brain is probably too fried from social media.  

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Remember: books aren't fast dopamine. They require time and effort to engage with and they take as long as they take to read.  
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The longer the better in fact."

Thank you for reading.

Until next week!

Lew

What's next:

Next vid will be last week's newsletter then the vid after that will be "why avoiding your emotions is holding you back". Excited for that one, just doing the research has already blown my mind 🤯.

P.s. I was in bed by 10pm on new years eve. What did you get up to?

Quote of the week:

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